I’ve been different since I was a child. I never dreamed of the wedding day, the dress, who would be the groom, and such things. What’s more, I wanted to get married until I fell in love with whom was to become my husband.
Those who know me can tell you that in these love issues I am a tad complicated. Perhaps because since I was little I was taught not to depend on anyone and to stand on my own. As a result, we had a highly independent, confident, and autonomous Sofía. We had, because I think I’m not that way anymore…I think.
I was determined to stay single for a long time, after all, remember that I never dreamed of having a partner and the experiences I’ve had only showed me that it wasn’t a smart decision. About three months later, I meet the guy who is now my husband in a discouraging position for him, and even though I like him, my head keeps telling me that I can’t trust him. We get to know each other more, there’s sudden chemistry, and I begin to fall in love. I start thinking about him, becoming aware of when and how we talk, wanting to see him…in short, I start depending. Watch out, Sofía….your identity is in danger. At the same time, other people’s comments came to strengthen that position in which he found himself and I discovered that people can be very malicious when it comes to relationships. Be careful.
One day I called him and told him we needed to talk (I had to clear up what was happening) That day is known as Kappeh Day and we always celebrate it because, without knowing it at the time, there we established the bases of our relationship. I was honest with him and asked what his true intentions were, because I just couldn’t trust him. To make a long story short, anyone would have forgotten about me, “this girl’s too difficult”, but he didn’t. He decided to prove me wrong, through actions, exceeding my expectations.
Sometimes, I can’t believe the amazing man I’m married to. I don’t know if I was lucky or what…what I do know is that love DOES exist but to find it, we must love ourselves first. We must know what we want, what we’re willing to tolerate or not. “We accept the love we think we deserve…” Self-love becomes that standard measure that allows us to value what we’re receiving.
For those who are looking for that love they think they deserve, don’t give up, believe me that it DOES exist and it comes from where we least expect it…but to find it, we need to work on ourselves first. Let’s lose that fear of being alone. Let’s release the role of victims and identify our patterns. Once identified, let’s understand them. What do they say about me? Could it be that there’s something that I need to change? In my case, I had to learn to trust, to open myself up to my vulnerability, and to modulate that sense of autonomy and independence, and it’s something that undoubtedly I’ll continue to refine throughout my life. And if we don't find it, it's okay, we are already enough.
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