These last few days have been of many ups and downs. Good days and not so good ones... I don't know about you, but I have found myself in that constant rise and fall…
It turns out that day eighty arrives and it's my birthday... not a quarantine birthday but an eight-ine. It caught my attention that most of the birthday messages included something like this: "I hope that despite the circumstances you can enjoy it and have a good time." That day, don't ask me how because I can't explain it, I got up differently; calm, at peace, and ready to enjoy the day with myself. My thought was: today is a day with Sofi...however it didn’t end up being exactly like that, it was a day with my family and friends, yes, in spite of the distance.
I think the fact that we’re confined and know that we can’t physically share with others makes us want to make up for it. You can’t imagine the amount of little gifts, videocalls, and surprise visits (2 meters away) that I received. At some point I thought…I think it’s better to have this kind of birthday. It was a unique day…without expecting it, my eight-ine birthday ended up being one of the best. Thank you family and friends, you know it, but I’m blessed to have you in my life. In some measure it seemed as if you had all agreed to distract me and make me forget even for a day the complicated situation we're in. Well then…mission accomplished!
Nonetheless, do you remember the highs and lows that I mentioned at the beginning? Well, the day after, june 4, reality dawns on me and I live my day with Sofi. I can’t explain either how I felt exactly. I was restless all day… it was a strange fear. Come to think of it, that day I was mourning for my birthday. I remembered all the affection received and thought how that feeling of normality vanished, how I couldn’t hug any of those who came to see me, and how I had to disinfect everything they gave me. The whens invaded me…when can we celebrate again, when will we hug again… when... when. Uncertainty can be unbearable because we don’t know for sure what’ll happen, and Honduras promises nothing more than 7x4 is 14.
That quiet day, I decided to retake the purpose I had for my birthday…to be with and find myself... I don’t know if anyone else is experiencing this roller coaster of emotions. What’s working for me is supporting and embracing every feeling… and finding peace in what Adriene Mischler constantly says: trust that everything is as it should be.
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